You may have noticed that I have not written a thing since before Christmas. It is now the last week of January and I finally feel like I have something to say!
I was very tired at the end of last year. I have a strange combination of doing everything at once and then sticking my head in the sand and hiding for a while (some of you may recognise this in yourselves). As a cancerian I retreat back into my shell for rejuvenation sometimes. Always trying to please and help others before myself has exhausted me through the years- combine this with trying to be the best mum I can be and it all just gets too much! I have always been hard on myself about this- but my new years resolution this year is not to be a new me- but to nurture, appreciate, love and try to understand the real me.
At school I was always told that I always “did enough”. My teachers would be frustrated that I did not work harder, that I had so much potential. My ambitions were huge and in my eyes hugely achievable. I was going to be in the Royal Shakespeare Company and I was going to play Beatrice in Much Ado, Elizabeth in an BBC adaptation of Pride and Prejudice. I was going to be a respected actor and I was going to always be in work. I was going to be famous like Judy Dench not like Kim Kardashian. I loved school, the social side and the study side, I wrote all my essays the night before (I have also written 2 thesis’ now both in the week before they were due). I never needed the A’s in my life although some came- others didnt and it never bummed me out. I went to uni then I did my Masters in Acting at The Central School of Speech and Drama (one of the best drama schools in the world)- I loved it and always knew I was great. However, again, I was always told that i wasn’t exceptional. Middle range, I had potential but that I only ever “did enough”.
So I believed them. I kept on doing enough. Enough to live on, enough to get by and have fun, enough to keep me going. Then I decided enough was enough and I changed careers. I love my job and I finally feel like I am seeing things all the way through. That I am exceptional at what I do. Fear has always been my friend along the way, a reason to stop, an opportunity to stick my head in the sand. This year my resolution is to go deep and to release the fear so that I can truly reach my potential. Not as a new me, but the me that has always been there all the time. The one I have been protecting for some strange reason! I am going deep, spiritual, physical and emotional. I am determined to take the whole year (not just 30 days or for january) to explore and to do more than enough. Especially since the opportunity to combine my two loves (acting and natural healing) may become very real this year!
I feel ready, I feel inspired, I feel supported and safe. I have been hiding to feel strength to do something this year that I have run away from every other year, and I may keep disappearing from you guys over the year- I am okay with that. I am excited for all of 2015 it is going to be an exceptional year! I look forward to sharing the journey with you all, you are welcome to join me.
My action plan is as follows;
Continue to eat real food, healthy fats and fermented foods and drinks.
To be more intent on healing myself before others
Listen and act on my instincts
Enjoy nature and life’s ups and downs
Be kind to myself and others.
Get my house in order- no more head in the sand!